The thought process behind this crime must have been similar to scenes in “The Producers.”

You’re trying to smuggle cocaine into the U.S., see, so what’s a good thing to hide it in?  Hey! How about stuffing it into big statues of the Virgin Mary! Two men accused of doing just that were arrested this week, and here is their story:

A statue of the Virgin Mary stands outside St. Louis Cathedral on All Saints Day in New Orleans, Louisiana, November 1, 2005. REUTERS/Lucas Jackson

Dear Etiquette Guide:

I am a soccer referee in Nigeria, and I was wondering whether it’s okay to take bribes from some of the teams.

Dear Ref:

Bribes are okay, as long as you don’t do anything in return…

Yes. It turns out, the Nigerian Football Association says referees “should only pretend to fall for the bait, but make sure the result doesn’t favor those offering the bribe.” Here is the story:

Nigerian soccer fan in Lagos celebrates the World Cup victory of the “Super Eagles” over Spain on June 13. 1998. Photo by George Esiri REUTERS

Okay, this is a picture of a German politician wearing a pretzel.  Whatever the real story behind it is, surely you can come up with something more absurd. Drop us your clever ideas via Post a Comment.

Baden-Wuerttemberg’s Christian Democratic State Premier Guenther Oettinger poses with a large pretzel  in Stuttgart March 26, 2006. REUTERS/Michaela Rehle

There is great news today for men and women who really wanted to join the military, but were rejected just because they had tattoos on their hands or necks.  The army now says come on back, you’re welcome after all. 

It turns out that after missing its recruiting goal last year, the army has relaxed its policy on certain kinds of tattoos, on certain parts of the body.  

Not ALL hand and neck tattoos, though.  Army officials say they still won’t allow tattoos that are ”extremist, indecent, sexist or racist.” 

“Clearly, if you have a sexist, a racist or a gang tattoo, you are unfit for duty — you have been and you continue to be,” a spokesman said.

Here’s the story:

GI Joe? Man sporting a tattoo on the back of his head attends the 13th International tattoo convention in Frankfurt May 8, 2005.  REUTERS/Kai Pfaffenbach

 It seems some German prostitutes are signing up for a career change, training to become nurses to tend to the country’s aging population, or working phones as tele-marketers.
What’s the connection there?  “After years of prostitution, they know how to listen, look after people and are savvy in selling over the phone,” says one person involved in a program to retrain the prostitutes.  Here is the story:

People walk in the famous red light district ‘Reeperbahn’ in the northern German town of Hamburg in this photo taken on March 3, 2006.  REUTERS/Christian Charisius

A dominatrix in South Africa has given up her battle to live in a vicarage, telling the church’s congregation they can “shove” the disputed residence.

The Pretoria News said Marianne Ellis had been renting the vicarage for some time when church elders discovered her sideline as a local dominatrix and asked her to move. 

Apparently she decided against chaining herself inside the home, although Lord knows she must have the equipment to do it.

Here is her story: 

A giant dominatrix model, painted wearing a leather mask and brandishing  a paddle and hand-cuffs, stands in a yard in Zurich, May 24, 2005 after the project’s artistic director banned it from Zurich’s street display of man-sized model teddy bears. REUTERS /Sebastian Derungs

The massive thing in this photo is Australia’s Uluru, formerly called Ayers Rock.  Tourists come from all over to see it.  But one guy managed to drive within 100 yards without finding it.  It happened that he was very, very drunk, and he did just the right thing — he stopped the police to ask the way. Here is his story:

Tourists climb the towering red monolith of Uluru at sunset in the Australian outback in this July 1997 file photo. REUTERS/David Gray

This is Mark Schuette, inventor of the dog-powered scooter. It’s kind of like a Segway, only the “engine” is more fun.

Continue for the video report:

Some kids work their way through college, some get scholarships.  Canadian Matthew Kennedy hopes to pay for a large chunk of his tuition by selling a pick-up truck that appeared in the hit movie “Brokeback Mountain.”

Kennedy says the truck was driven by Jack Twist, played by Jake Gyllenhaal, when he meets Ennis Del Mar, played by Heath Ledger, at the start of the film.

Here it is on eBay: http://cgi.ebay.ca/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=4625292939

And here is our story:                                                   

 ”Brokeback Mountain” stars Heath Ledger (R) and Jake Gyllenhaal at the 12th annual Screen Actors Guild Awards in Los Angeles, January 29, 2006. REUTERS/Mario Anzuoni

If you think the funniest greeting cards are at your local card shop, think again.  It turns out, the best ones are on a big wall at Hallmark, where the writers enshrine their efforts that have been rejected, marked “FBN’ - “Funny, but no….”

Check out a very nice Associated Press feature on the subject by Matt Sedensky, courtesy of the Chicago Sun-Times site:

 A Catholic walks past a painting depicting Holy Father Joseph, Mother Mary and Jesus at the St. Antoine Church in Hanoi, Vietnam December 23, 2005.  REUTERS/Kham